SVD Postulancy

In my whole life, I seldom hear people talking about or telling me something about my personality. Although I am sometimes aware of my personality, I wanted to know it more in a deeper sense. In the postulancy, there is this program called SINAI – a psycho-spiritual program in which we are given the chance to understand ourselves deeper and surface all of the problems we encounter in life for us to know how to deal with them and allow us to heal ourselves.

One of the sessions discussed about our personality style which prompted me to get excited,
interested and at the same time, nervous. We took a series of tests (psychological) and one of
them was to test our personality styles then at class, the results of our tests were interpreted.
This made me more nervous because I was afraid that I will be judged because of the outcome
of the results and what personality of mine has been discovered, but I was assured that there
will be no judgement for everything that has been surfaced.

I was a little bit disturbed by what I saw in the test results, because it showed me that I constantly worry about things I should not be worrying about. But nevertheless, as human as we are, I too have flaws, but I looked on the bright side and reflected that it is part of human development. After the sessions I thought about the results of the test and looked into the deep on where my anxiety started. After several days, I realized that it started when I was in high school, when my parents and I had problems. I was taken over by my emotions to the point where I isolated myself from everyone. I then realized that I was a bit too emotionally senseless at that time so I became silent. This experience made me overthink a lot which eventually led me to my anxiety that makes me worry about a lot of things especially my vocation.

However, despite all these, I always remind myself that I need to cherish the present moment
first in order for me to value my vocation that I have now and what lies ahead in the future. I
also constantly remind myself that in every crossroad that I encounter, Jesus is always present
as he have said to his followers, “And surely I am with you always till the very end” (Matthew
28:20).

As I continue to discern my vocation to the priesthood, I thank God for this opportunity that
helped me and is continuously helping me to know myself deeply and become aware of who I
am. This Postulancy program helped me to value myself more and look for the goodness of
myself and I trust the process that it will continue to bring out the best in me that will make me
the better person and even a “missionary” that God wants me to be.