SVD Postulancy

By: Post. Christian Anthony “CA” Belina

Let the past die, kill it, if you have to, it’s the only way to become what you’re meant to be.” (Star Wars)

A line I once heard in a movie that I thought would resonate with me as I tried to stay unmindful of my childhood. Yet, conversely, this module made me realize that the past is not something that should simply be killed or forgotten. There was a time when the constant pressures, expectations, and longings I carried while growing up had a profound impact on me—both good and bad. 

As the eldest, I often found myself taking on the role of a father figure to my younger siblings while my own father was away as an OFW. I became familiar with responsibility, maturity, and being the “bigger person” in every situation I had growing up.

I started the module with intrigue and enthusiasm, especially since my woundedness assessment appeared relatively low and stable. Yet I was caught off guard when we were allowed to undergo Childhood Healing through hypnosis, where I encountered and spoke with my younger self. For perhaps the first time, I embraced the opportunity to become vulnerable not only with myself, but also with my brothers.

I have always been aware of the mature persona I carry before others. Responsibility became familiar to me, while serenity, leisure, and childlikeness often felt strange or even alien. I never considered this something negative. I only thought that as long as I remained responsible and accountable, everything would be fine—and everyone else would be too.

But I was wrong.

I do not blame my parents for how I was raised or the circumstances I grew up in. Rather, I remain grateful for everything that shaped me. Nevertheless, I have also acknowledged that healing does not mean rejecting the past. Perhaps it means learning how to embrace it differently.

Therefore, I embark on a new paradigm and, for the most part, an inherent invitation: Let the child live.

The child who once carried joy before the weight of struggles and expectations.

The child who was curious and innocent about the world and other people.

The child who continues to knock at the deepest parts of my heart, asking:

“Will you still let me live?”

With tears in my eyes, I embraced the child and told him:

“You will always be part of me, and I will be with you.”

And so, I leave this question to all of us:

Will you let the child within you live?