When we neglect ourselves emotionally, we not only become emotionally toxic but also carry that toxicity into all our relationships. In this seminar with Dr. Ronaldo Motilla, a Filipino psychologist and associate professor at Miriam College in Quezon City, a passionate teacher of Positive and Health Psychology, author of the book Purposely Positive, challenged me to open my heart and enter into healthier relationships with others by learning how to be more vulnerable with my feelings.
Throughout this formation year in the postulancy, I keep discovering new things about myself, especially about how I connect with my brothers, friends, and family in healthier ways. For example, in another seminar we attended, I discovered that I have a secure attachment style and I will always give thanks to my parents and grandparents who raised me, because that is why I am the way I am today. At the same time, I also realized that I have an avoidant style of expressing anger because of past painful experiences.
Through this seminar in our Sinai Classes, I came to understand that being vulnerable is the best way to open myself to others. But what does vulnerability really mean? Vulnerability is the courage to open one’s true emotions, fears, and weaknesses to another person, even with the risk of being hurt or rejected. The first time I heard this in the seminar, I felt afraid again—afraid that if I opened up about what I was truly feeling, things might get worse if the person I shared with was not yet ready or able to listen.
Yet I also realized that there are better ways to open myself: by choosing the right timing and the right person to confide in. For instance, whenever I feel sadness or fear about certain activities in the postulancy, I can share it with my brothers who are always ready to listen and who continually help me persevere in my vocation. In the same way, I can remain open with my parents, who are always ready to listen to my plans for life.
Finally, if I continue practicing this building relationships by opening myself I am certain I will learn more deeply about the true fruits of my vocation discernment and whether I am truly on the right path. It will also help me become more positive toward the things I fear in the future and grow in my relationships with others, especially in my ability to empathize with them.
May the positive force be with you.
By: Post. NICOLAS “NIKS” NONAN
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